gene_jacket's Xanga

it's not you, it's me

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 01:47:42 GMT

dear xangaland...

i feel the time has come for us to end our blog/blogger relationship... i'm moving on to wordpress. it isn't because of anything you did, i just find myself drawn to there. sure, there are things i like about you that wordpress lacks, but it has the one thing you don't - it can fight through the spam blockers at work, and thus allow me to blog during the day.

we've had some good times together. but please, understand, this is a time for me to make a fresh start with a new look. come visit me sometime... my new address is www.ginamaria.wordpress.com

yours truly,

gene_jacket

founding father

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:01:59 GMT

george verwer, the founder of OM (through whom i am heading to the boz) preached at college park church in indy on sunday!! if only i had known he would be there... BUT, many thanks to sarah elmore for calling to tell me about it and being so encouraging in LOVING george’s passion!

this dude is awesome… check out the college park message here (titled “global outreach spotlight”, oct 19^th). he was blacklisted from india, finds rollercoasters relaxing, cheated at gambling in boyscouts, is a hilarious, real and honest man, and i am SO excited to become a part of the mission that the Lord called him to begin.

also, when he slows down and talks quietly, he sounds a tad like casey kasem…

gina b to the bos- to the n-i-a

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 20:11:57 GMT

big life announcement… i’m moving to bosnia to be a missionary!!! some of you reading this may already know about it or have been part of my processing over the past few months, but many of you may be hearing about this for the first time… i figured the best way to make this as informative as can be would be to flush out some of the FAQs i’ve received in reactions from people i’ve been telling since i found out i was accepted to go two weeks ago…

you’re going WHERE??

i will be moving to the town of bihac (pronounced “bee-hotch”… ha) bosnia. it is in northwestern bosnia. check the map, and the sites listed below.

◘ Bosnia & Herzegovina Tourism Site (this site can also give insight into questions like “isn’t there some war going on there?” and “are you sure this is safe?”)

◘ CIA World Fact Book (see here for any hard factual information about the country, including climate, unemployment, government, and number of cellular phones in the country as of 2006)

wha? how did this happen?

brief timeline… 5 years ago i studied abroad in italy. fell in love with europe. one year ago i went on a mission trip to nepal. felt very homesick for europe. prayed and prayed and prayed about why and how God wanted me to respond. found my way to a missions organization whose strategies and heart for europe were things totally aligned with my own. started applying. received confirmation from the Lord that this was what i should be doing. kept applying. initial focus (with quite a bit of hesitancy) to head back to italy. received more confirmation from the Lord to keep pursuing missions. three weeks ago went to atlanta for “outbound” conference as final stage of applying. the Lord showed me bosnia. i got excited about bosnia. the Lord confirmed bosnia. ta da!

who are you going with? do you know anyone there?

i will be going with an organization called operation mobilization (here on out referred to as OM). i now know some folks that will be there – potentially a married couple who were outbounders with me, and then another married couple named ed and monica who are already on staff with OM in bosnia in the town of mostar (they’re americans. and they’re awesome).

what are you going to be doing?

with bosnia sitting at an unemployment level around 60% (yikes!), many people there are living in desperate situations and don’t necessarily get to eat on a regular basis. part of OM’s church planting strategy in bosnia is through mercy ministries, such as delivering firewood in the winter. they want to start up a meal program as another way to reach out to people in need an are looking for someone to help coordinate everything (the staff, the planning and organizing of the meal program)… enter me! luckily OM is a place where people with many gifts and experiences are wanted, and they are accepting of my love of planning events, managing projects, and *sometimes* being a little bossy J

do they pay you, or do you have to raise money, or what?

OM does not pay me from OM funds. like many missions organizations, all missionary positions are unsalaried, which means i have to raise financial support to cover my monthly living expenses (housing, food, insurance, etc.), as well as one-time costs (plane ticket, visa fees, etc.). my support will come from my home churches AND through friends like you!! for me, this is going to be the hardest part of the whole process. it is going to take a lot of patience and reliance on the Lord, knowing that he has already prepared everything for me.

note: if you know right off the bat that you want to support me, let me know! i will do a little happy dance J we can get together or talk on the phone more in depth about where i’ll be going, what i’ll be doing, how much i need, how much you can give, and what that will all look like.

everyone else… get ready. i’ll be contacting you!!

what language do they speak there?

bosnian J i have no skills in this language whatsoever. but no worries… part of my time in the country (especially much in the beginning) will be spent in language classes so that i can communicate with the locals.

how long will you be gone?

two years!!! i am planning on leaving in mid-january of 2009.

these are really the only FAQs i really have answers to at this minute (please let me know if you have one that hasn’t been answered)… i would love love LOVE to tell you more about what i’ll be doing, how the Lord brought me to this point, and how you can potentially be involved. but more than anything, i would love your prayers… it’s starting to hit me that i will only be in the country for three more months – that’s not much time! there’s so much to be done, so many people to see in the time that remains, before i head somewhere else where there’s so much to be done and so many people to see (meet)!

please let me know how life is with you as well! i am fearing that i will begin to lose touch with people before i even leave (refer to final sentence of previous paragraph for explanation), which i desperately do not want to happen. i have actually reduced my work hours so that i can have a little more time for friendly gatherings, dinners, lunches, and even a breakfast get-together here and there – with you! let’s hang out J

one final note… i will do my best to post updates here from time to time before leaving (and definitely after i depart), just so if you’re curious, you can always know what’s going on. and a promise: most posts won’t be this long. kudos to you if you made it all the way to the end!!!

the end.

a little diddy

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 01:17:31 GMT

this is atrocious

that's all for today :)

gowning in embarassment

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 01:20:24 GMT

i had to get a physical today and they made me change into a gown. EVEN THOUGH all they were doing was asking me questions and doing the little stethescope-on-the-lungs, deep-breaths-in-and-out thing. i tried to pout for a little bit, but they still made me do it. when i put it on i figured i would do it so with the ties in the front - i could tie it much easier and could also control where it went and how much (if any) skin underneath it was revealed. the doctor poked his head in and was about to sit down, but then noticed my gown tied in the front. "i'm sorry," he said. "that needs to be tied in the back." wha? seriously? i don't wanna! "i'll come back," he told me. so, i swing the thing around and tie it in the back, thinking that i'm pretting much sitting pretty at the lowest level of dignity i've got in this small world that is the exam room. tied in the back? seriously? that was pretty much him saying "hey, i just want to make sure you know that i make a lot more money than you, have to work less than you to do that, live in a bigger house, drive a better car, and know a lot of things that you don't. and just in case you still don't get the point that i'm better than you, i get to wear clothes and you have to drape yourself in a wash&wear sheet with strings that will more than likely expose your toosh at least once and there's nothing you can do about it."

stupid clipboard-toting, watch-checking, cold-handed doctor.

p.s. august resolution = blog more. not sure why. it just feels gooooood.

i am (not) purposeless

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 02:21:25 GMT

as of late i've been feeling quite purposeless. not necessarily because my boss recently revealed to me that he and my other supervisor didn't actually want to hire me but did anyways (true story!), though that surely adds to it. i think it's particularly because the Lord is taking time to teach me rather than to use me. through cnn.com (read during frequent workday downtimes) and one interesting character of a boss, God is simultaneously breaking my heart for the world AND breaking my pride. i've always easily been able to separate myself from the devastation occurring throughout the world for whatever selfish reason, but as i have nothing to do but read about it much of the day, it has quickly become something that is quite (vicariously) real and quite (emotionally) burdensome to me. and as i read these stories, i sit at a desk and work for a boss who really is just.... difficult for me to work for. i've been tremendously fortunate in the short tenure of my professional life to work with and under people who i quite admire, both as professionals and as people, and i have felt their admiration in return. being in a place where none of the work i do is recognized as having any value, and i am constantly reminded that i am only a contractor who is there temporarily (through the end of the year), well, it's quite humbling.

and it really is so obvious to me the lessons the Lord is teaching me: "gina, there are people in this world other than you. LOVE THEM." "gina, not everything i call you to do will bring you glory. DO IT." but being that i am human and can't ever make anything easy on myself, both of these are quite a learning process and a shift in perspective, with not much action to them. and thus i feel left in this purgatory between education and action, the jack kerouac "dividing line between the east of my youth and the west of my future".

recently, i have been moved by a sarah groves song my friend katy turned me onto... her words (see below) make me emotional and excited and motivated to spring into action. i start trying to convince myself that i have learned what God is teaching me and that it is about darn time he started using me for something. i am pretty positive i can see where the Lord desires me to go next, but a third lesson from him is clear as well: "gina, i will let you know when it is time for you to go. TRUST ME."

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who've gone before and lived the faithful life
their courage compels me
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharaoh's court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sisters standing by the dying man's side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door

I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
and when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them

gotta feel for my automobile

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:11:30 GMT

many weeks ago i vowed to myself that on the first nice saturday, i would spend as much time as necessary cleaning out my car. anyone who glimpsed into any window of my car could have seen this was necessary. seriously - it had gotten to the point where i would try my darndest not to volunteer to drive anyone anywhere because a) i had so much junk there was no room, and b) i was quite embarrassed about how much junk and how little room there was to be found in my car. SO, since this past saturday was nice, i cleaned out my car. ta da! i took everything out, windexed, cloroxed, AND vacuumed, even using every single extension my vacuum has to offer (including the one with the little brush on the end). in the hour and a half it took me to clean, i discovered many "treasures" hidden within my grand suzuki....

4 travel packs of kleenex. only 2 came from the same initial package.
dirt on my windows that had dwelt there since the (bill)clinton administration.
3 hangers, none with clothes hanging on them.
my high school best friend's 8th grade picture.
3 pairs of shoes.
my driver's side sun visor in my backseat because it fell off 6 months ago.
2 travel mugs.
my last license plate. from 2 years ago.
2 old cell phones, with chargers.
a roll of scotch tape. and a roll of duct tape.
2 ice cube trays wrapped up like a present with a bow on top.

in the midst of all this cleaning i began having rather abstract thoughts about a car being akin to a relationship - you know, how you spend so much time trying to find just the right one for you, it's so exciting to have initially, but you seem to get tired of it after a few years. but when you really get in there and clean it up, it's like brand new and you fall back in love all over again. but i'm pretty sure it was just the combination of windex and clorox fumes swirling within a hot car causing minor hallucinations and ridiculous epiphanies, and not any sort of grand analogy whatsoever.

food for one

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 23:24:57 GMT

i seem to have strange run-ins with asians (see two posts prior) and food service workers (the creepy b-rip qdoba guy recommended i take the survey advised on the bottom of my receipt, win $10,000, and use it to give him a big tip... or buy him dinner), so it is only natural that these two sub-groups would collide and i would have an interesting encounter with a food-serving asian....

on sunday i called king dragon in aforementioned b-rip in my sunday ritual to order my post-bible study chinese feast. i went in to pick up my meal and the sweet, 30-something, (married) chinese man at the counter says to me "show me you left finger." i hold up my hand and he says "ahhh... see, i know, you no married." i must have had a puzzled look on my face because he then stated, holding up my bag of food, "you know how i know? food for one!" (ouch) i sort of laughed and he continued on - "you so picky. all men want to marry you... you picky." still sort of laughing, i simply said "i'm not picky, i'm just smart." then adding, "no one has asked me to marry them." he replied - "all men, they want to marry you. you so picky. you so beautiful, they do not ask."

best fortune ever.

it's raining men

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 00:08:10 GMT

for the first time in pretty much forever i am in an environment where men clearly outnumber women.

thank goodness.

no, you go. i have 'the big one.'

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 23:20:56 GMT

after a hiatus of 1 year + 4 days i return to xanga to please the masses.
or maybe just the half a dozen....

i am motivated by a hilarious recent restroom encounter at the castleton panera (and some sleepness nights spent dwelling on things i know i need to say but fear saying them) to try to become more honest in my life -

on saturday i was meeting my friend/bible study leader/discipler deborah for coffee. we took a "commercial break" so she could get more coffee and i could use the restroom. i walked into the restroom right behind an asian girl. there were two stalls, and as she headed into the first i walked around her to head into the second. i noticed her glance into her stall, see that the toilet was clogged, and say "oh, i can't use this." i offered to let her first use the stall i was about to go in, and she politely declined. i offered again, reminding her that she had come in first. this time, she honestly declined - "no, you go. i have 'the big one.' i wait."

no sign of embarassment, no second thought about it. i was a complete stranger, yet she was comfortable enough to honestly tell me something that left both of us much better off (me b/c i got quite a story and didn't have to wait to use the restroom; her, because she was free to take her time and poo in peace). i envy her honesty about dropping 'the big one' - literal or proverbial - and her foresight to see how all would come out better in the end. in this spirit, and to prep myself to drop some big ones, here's a practice round in dropping some minis (one step at a time, eh?) -

    dear neighbors: it's my car that screeches down the road at least once a day. my apologies for waking some of you up in the morning
    dear people who smoke cigarettes at gas stations: is there anyone more stupid than you?
    dear friends: sometimes i don't want to hang out with you. or call you. please don't make me feel bad for this - i struggle with my own self-inflicted guilt enough as it is (hence my current reading, at the recommendation of the above-mentioned deborah)
    dear family: i'm planning on moving to europe for 1-2 years, most likely to do mission work
    dear new employer: i'm very nervous to start my new job tomorrow. especially since the recruiter i'm forced to work through doesn't seem to have a clue what's going on
    dear body: i don't feed you the best food. and i don't make you work as hard as i should
    dear 93.2WTTS: i am quite disappointed in friday morning's wake-up playlist - alanis's acoustic wailing, nickelback and creed? no wonder friday was so rough

ok. that's it for now.